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Another sensitivity: the film star is probably obsessed with his last
film, the politician with her last election, a corporate mogul with his last
takeover, an author with her last noveland so forth. So when discussing
the stars, the politicians, the moguls, the authors, or any VIPs work, try to
keep your comments to current or recent work. Telling Woody Allen how
much you loved his 1980 film Stardust Memories would not endear you
to him. What about all my wonderful films since? thinks he. Stick to the
present or very recent past if possible.
A final celebrity codicil: Suppose you are fortunate enough to have
one at your party. To shine some star light on your party, dont ask the TV
host to say a few words. Dont ask the singer
Technique #36
Big Shots Dont Slobber
People who are VIPs in their own right dont slobber over celebrities.
When you are chatting with one, dont compliment her work, simply say
how much pleasure or insight its given you. If you do single out any one
of the stars accomplishments, make sure its a recent one, not a memory
thats getting yellow in her scrapbook.
If the queen bee has a drone sitting with her, find a way to involve
him in the conversation.
to sing a song. What looks effortless to the rest of us because they
seem so comfortable performing is work for them. You wouldnt ask an
accountant guest to look over your books. Or a dentist to check out your
third left molar. Let the dignitary drink. Let the luminary laugh.
Celebrities are people, too, and they like their time off.
How to Talk to a Celebrity 139
How to Make Them Want to Thank You
To wrap up our section on sounding like the big boys and big girls,
here is a simple and gracious little maneuver. It not only signals people
youre a top communicator, but it encourages them to keep doing nice
things for you. Or complimenting you. Or doing bus ness with you. Or
loving you. It is very short. It is very sweet. It is very simple. You can use
it with everyone in your life. When it becomes instinctive, youll find
yourself using it every day.
Very simply, never let the phrase thank you stand naked and alone.
Always make it thank you for something. People use the bare exposed
thank you so often that people dont even hear it anymore. When we buy
the morning newspaper, we flash a naked thank you at the vendor when
he gives us our nickels change. Is that the same thank you you want to
give a valued customer who makes a big purchase in your store? Or a
loved one who cooks you a delicious dinner?
Whenever the occasion warrants more than an unconscious
acknowledgment, dress up your thank you with the reason:
Thank you for coming. Thank you for being so understanding.
140
How to Make Them Want to Thank You 141
Thank you for waiting. Thank you for being such a good customer.
Thank you for being so loving.
Often, when I disembark an airplane, the captain and first officer are
standing by the cockpit door to bid the passengers farewell. I say, Thanks
for getting us here. Admittedly, thats carying Never the Naked Thank
You technique to extremes, but it has a surprising effect. They fall all
over themselves with Oh, thanks for flying with us!
Thank you for reading this section of How to Talk to Anyone! Now let
us move on to another conversation challenge, how to talk knowledgeably
with everyonefrom groups of accountants to Zen Buddhistsno matter how
little you might have in common.
Technique #37
Never the Naked Thank You
Never let the phrase thank you stand alone. From A to Z, always
follow it with for: from Thank you for asking to Thank you for zipping
me up.
How to Talk to Anyone - 92
Little Tricks...
PART FOUR
How to Be an Insider in Any Crowd
What Are They All Talking About?
Has it ever happened to you? Everyone at the party is speaking
gobbledygook. Theyre all discussing faulty audits, code costraints, or the
library marketand you have no idea what theyre talking about. Its because
everybody at the party is an accoutant, an architect, or a publisherand
youre not.
So you stand there with a pasty smile on your face, not opeing your
mouth. If you do, you fear the wrong thing will come out. Paranoia sets
in. Everybody will snicker at you. Youre an ousider. So you suffer in
silence.
In high school I suffered a massive case of Silent Outsider Syndrome,
especially around males. All they wanted to talk about was cars. I knew
nothing about cars. The only time Id ever set foot in a body shop was to
get a suntan.
Well, one fateful day, Mama came home with a gift for me that
transformed my teenage existence from shy to sociable. It was a book on
all the current model cars and their differences over and under the hood.
One reading, and I became fluent in Fords, Chevys, and Buicks. I no
longer hyperventilated when boys said words like carburetor, alternator,
camshaft, or exhaust manifold. I
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didnt need to learn a lot, just enough to ask the right questions to get
the guys talking. When Id learned to speak car with the boys, it worked
wonders for my social life.
Cut to today. We grown-up boys and girls also have our favorite
topics that usually involve our work or our hobbies. When were with
people in our own field or who share our interests, we open up like small-
town gossips. (Even engineers who have a costant case of cat-got-their-
tongue start gabbing about greasy tubines and various projects when
theyre together.) To outsiders, our conversation sounds like
gobbledygook. But we know precisely what its about. Its our own
jobbeldygook or hobbydygook.
You fear youll find yourself in a party of squash players when youre
the type of person whod rather be in court than on court? Dont panic
hearing words like lobbing and hitting rails roll off the squash players
tongues. So what if the only experience youve ever had with squash was
the mashed acorn variety on your plate next to the turkey last
Thanksgiving. All you need is the few techniques that follow.
Just as anglers throw out a dragonfly to get the fish to bite, all you
have to do is throw out the right questions to get people to open up. Dale
Carnegies adage, show sincere interest and people will talk, only goes so
far. As they say in poker, it takes jacks or better to open. And in
conversation, it takes cursory knowledge or better about their field to get [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]