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clan. Max made flight arrangements once more, buying tickets for Ukiah,
Kraynak, Alicia, and himself. Rennie would travel with them, but he made
independent arrangements, leaving Max wondering aloud where the Pack got their
cash.
Sam was still driving the van cross-country and willing to consider a job
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offer once she got there.
The smiles she gave Max indicated it would be more than a mild consideration,
but she also wouldn't commit more positively than that. Max wavered through
quiet terror and giddiness about her visit. At least, he stated, she had seen
them at their godawful worst and anything that happened in Pittsburgh would be
simple. For Max's sake, Ukiah hoped that he was right.
The Kicking Deers gathered together clothing for Ukiah: moccasins, fringed
buckskin pants, beaded shirt, and eagle feathers. He was combing his hair when
Alicia found him.
"Hi!" He smiled at her, although he felt weirdly awkward around her. It was
like he had opened a friend's diary and read her private thoughts but in the
meantime, a quiet, sad-eyed stranger had come and taken her place. Would this
new Alicia even like him?
"Does she know?" Alicia asked.
She who? Know what?
He looked at Alicia in confusion and then realized what she must be asking.
"Does Indigo know that I'm I'm not human? Yes." He considered things he could
say to make things better, but they were small offerings. "You are my first
and best female friend. I love you dearly, but
I never thought of you in that way."
Her mouth twisted in a wry smile, but her eyes stayed wistful. "You were an
innocent; you didn't think of anyone that way. She seduced you. She corrupted
you."
He supposed it would be easier on Alicia to let it go with that: She lost out
because she was the nobler woman. But it wasn't the whole truth, and letting
false assumptions ride had caused so much harm recently.
"No. It wasn't all her, Alicia. I didn't have the words to describe how I felt
the first moment I met her she did teach me the words and actions but the
feelings were mine. I wanted to be with her. I
couldn't stop thinking of her."
"O, my little Wolf Boy, you grew up and fell in love when I wasn't looking."
"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
"You haven't," she whispered and reached out to braid one of the eagle
feathers into his hair. "I
hurt myself. Sometimes it's like looking back and watching someone else;
someone who was very good at deceiving herself. You were so beautiful and
safe, and I was tired of being walked over."
"I still care for you." Ukiah caught her hand and squeezed it.
She laughed. "It wouldn't have worked out. I thought you were sweet and tame
because you were young and overprotected. I figured you would change once you
got older and your moms gave you more freedom. I wanted you as a wild wolf
man, not the safe Wolf Boy. I saw you at the picnic you're going right from
sheltered Boy Scout to happily married man."
Ukiah thought of Jay, the mischief-maker, who Magic Boy had loved more than
those that walked the straight and narrow. Alicia would have loved him too.
"I've lived too long to be the man you really want."
"I know that now," she whispered. "I need someone that enjoys screaming in the
face of conformity, who bangs out their own beat and dances to it. I know it's
just my way of defying death because my parents died so young but I don't want
to change. And I don't want to change you either."
***
Last time he was at the roundup, he had been Magic Boy, and the world had been
a totally different place then. Horses were still needed for transportation
and to have many was a sign of wealth. All the Native Americans would come to
the roundup mounted, and the parade into the ring was an endless stream of the
sturdy Cayuse-bred horses.
RVs now sat next to teepees, and in both, people readied for the parade. Ukiah
stood in the tiny
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bathroom of Cousin Lou's RV and looked at his reflection, acquainting himself
with his new face. It surprised him to see a warrior gazing back at him. It
was more than the freshly applied war paint, or the heavier lines of a man's
face finally emerging, won through hard battle. He had grown beyond the Wolf
Boy, and Magic Boy, and the cub, each with their little slice of humanity and
alien. He was finally growing to be a man, something greater than all the
parts that had gone before. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]