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neering side of you.
Ray said,  Gloria, if you choose me to be the team leader, I
promise you don t have to touch any shit.
214 Valerie Frankel
 Done, said Gloria.
 Peg, said Ray, turning toward her,  your domineering side
isn t very attractive either. In fact, it s a major turnoff.
 Said the man with hamburger for a face.
The cow by Peg stamped her hoof.
Gloria whispered,  You shouldn t say  hamburger in here.
 It s your fault I look like this! said Ray.  Now grab a
shovel and start digging.
Team Two, meanwhile, had already filled three wheelbar-
rows with the aged patties and were heading outside.
Gloria said,  Let me get that for you, and held open the
barn door for them.
 What is that? asked Peg, staring into the dish.
 Carrot and cheddar casserole, said Wilma proudly.  The
cheddar was made right at Billings Farm!
The casserole looked as appetizing as the manure. Even if
Peg were hungry which she wasn t she wouldn t have
been able to choke it down.
Linus clinked his spoon against his water glass. He said,
 Tracy, as leader of Team Two, I offer my heartiest congratula-
tions. You should know that, in the history of Inward Bound,
you fertilized your acre in less time than any previous team,
setting a new record of four hours and seventeen minutes.
Applause. Tracy stood up and bowed. She said,  Was it that
long? The time just flew, didn t it, guys? Her teammates nod-
ded, Ben more enthusiastically than Luke.  Our strategy was
to move the aged shit out of the barn first, using three wheel-
barrows, and then spread side by side. We kept count, and
then replenished the fresh shit shed when we d finished
spreading. I knew that if we could keep each other company,
then it wouldn t feel so much like work. I considered splitting
up duties loading, unloading, spreading but decided that
an assembly-line strategy wouldn t be much fun, and if we
didn t have fun, we d bicker or get tired. I ve learned a lot
The Girlfriend Curse 215
about teamwork in my years with the Red Sox organization.
And let me just say, I m not used to being on a winning team.
It s much better than losing. I also want to add that Ben
showed amazing strength. For a small man, he s got a big
shovel. And Luke couldn t be a more efficient spreader, like
he s been smacking down shit his entire life.
 Excellent leadership, said Linus.  Tracy, you ve shown
yourself to be a gracious winner and team player. Now, Team
One. You barely covered half your acre in the same time
Team Two covered their whole area. Tell us what went
wrong.
Ray stood up. Tried to anyway. He had to slouch. The day
of digging had destroyed Ray s back, which was already ten-
der after spending a night on top of a stick shift. He said,
 Team One lost today due to vanity and ego.
He got that right, thought Peg.
Ray said,  A member of our team decided that things had
to be a certain way, and if they weren t, this member would
obstinately slack off and be a negative influence on the team
effort.
Amen to that, thought Peg, nodding.
 If this person had carried her weight, we would have won,
under my leadership, said Ray.  I m sure Peg has learned
some valuable lessons today about being part of a team and
working well with others.
 I sure did, said Peg, standing (which killed her back, too).
 I learned that Ray is power mad and insecure in his masculin-
ity. I suspect he overcompensates for this Cayman Trench deep
insecurity with sexual aggression and domineering tendencies.
Ray said,  You bitch!
Peg said,  You see? He is a misogynist.
Linus told them both to sit.  Okay, calm down. It s all a
learning experience. Now, Peg, as a florist 
 I am NOT a florist, she said.
 Have you ever worked as part of a group? asked Linus.
216 Valerie Frankel
 I ve landscaped alongside other people, she said,  but I do
my best work alone.
 Your family. Did you do a lot of things together?
 We have our own interests, said Peg. Her family s recre-
ational approach was parallel play. On their annual Caribbean
family vacations, for example, Peg would go snorkeling, Jack
would sail, Mom would sit by the pool and Dad would swim
in the ocean.
 Have you ever played a team sport? asked Linus.
 I run, she said, shaking her head.  Preferably alone.
 Yes, I know, he said.  So you ve never really had a team
experience.
Peg said,  That is irrelevant. It doesn t change the fact that
Ray is inept and impotent.
 You of all people know that s not true! Ray said, and
stumbled out of the kitchen, as fast as his hobbled, mosquito-
drained body could take him.
They all watched him go. Peg said,  I didn t mean impotent
in that way.
Linus said,  Peg, you owe Ray an apology.
Peg said,  What about Gloria? She didn t work well with
others. She didn t work at all.
 Flinging blame is a hallmark of egomania, said Wilma.
 I m not an egomaniac, said Peg.  Am I? Do I seem like an
egomaniac? What does everyone think of me?
No one spoke. Finally, Tracy said,  Come on, Peg. Let s take
a walk.
Numbly, Peg followed Tracy out on the back porch and
down to the river. The night was hot and dry, the water still
and black. Peg said to Tracy,  I came here on a whim. I should
have thought it through before I signed up.
 Me, too, said Tracy, the A+ student.  It s been good, though.
 For you, said Peg.  You ve learned that you can attract
men. First Luke, now Ben. You re a great leader. You re con-
scientious, extroverted and agreeable. All I ve learned is that I
The Girlfriend Curse 217
attract the wrong men for the wrong reasons. And I don t
work or play well with others.
 You play well with me, said Tracy.  And I was primed to [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]